Living in the Present

I am having a really hard time living in the present, focused on the now.  With all the planning and preparation to be done before our departure, I am constantly trying to imagine what life will be like in 4 months.   Every day that passes puts us closer to the day when we close the doors to our house for the very last time and walk out into the world with just what we have in the truck.

Will this tent be best for us?  What about this one?
Will we be doing more of this, or more of that?

There’s no way we can know.  No matter how many stories we read or people we ask, the bottom line is only we can know what is best for our trip and only experience will bring that knowledge.

Okay, now that I know and accept that, I need to let it go.

I need to look at it in a different light and stop wishing my time away – I am alive today living my life.  I may be getting ready for something else but my body, my mind, they are all right here living this life today.  I owe myself and Tom my presence.  In 4 months my life will be completely different than what I’ve known for years and I need to enjoy what I have now without wishing I was somewhere else.

I promise myself to relish the now.  I will not wish my time away.  I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, no matter how much I plan – so what sense does it make to waste the moment thinking about something I have no control over?

I am happy to have today and as far as I know, that is all I have.

How to Heal: Part 1b – Body; Acupuncture

In Part 1a, I told you all about
my own personal experiences with chiropractic
now I will tell you how I fared with acupuncture treatments
for the same pinched nerve in my shoulder.


My father would see Dr. Han 3 times a week and it seemed like every night he had a funny story about Dr. Han’s bedside manner or his consistent use of the 3rd person.  All I knew was, you didn’t mess with Dr. Han.  So when I wanted to see him for my pinched nerve two years ago, I didn’t because I knew it was a commitment that I was not able to make.  From all the stories I’ve heard about Dr. Han, it was much easier to get out of the Chiropractor’s recommended treatment schedule than his.  So that’s just what I did.  Until one morning I was overcome with pain and I knew I had to try acupuncture.

When I walked into the waiting room I was brought back to my father years ago writing a letter for Dr. Han, to the insurance companies.  After years of working as a steamfitter, my father was left with terrible carpal tunnel in his wrist, his only option was surgery with a 50/50% chance of being able to return to regular work.  That’s when he started seeing Dr. Han, he went for a long time but he never had to have that surgery and he never stopped working.  The out of pocket cost was staggering, even at Dr Han’s low price of $45/visit.  Insurance companies don’t cover acupuncture, just like they didn’t covered chiropractoric in the past.  They would rather you be drugged up and cut into which costs well into the thousands and leaves you missing work and permanently scarred at the very least.  Dr. Han’s office was wallpapered with letters from his patients each telling their miraculous story of how no other Western practice had brought them relief, how they were cured with nothing more than acupuncture.  Hundreds of people pleading with the insurance companies to consider the benefit of non-invasive healing practices.  All fallen on deaf ears.

I knew that acupuncture could help.
I knew Dr. Han was a competent doctor,
despite his lack of manners (cultural differences most likely).
I knew it would take time and so I committed to 2 months.

I didn’t find Dr. Han to be rude, I found him to be a sweet and gentile old man.  What I found he lacked was communication.  My new patient paperwork questioned which medications I was taking, what doctors I was seeing, and what my symptoms were (I included an increasingly alarming pain in my toe for the hell of it) .  When I saw Dr Han he asked me where and how it hurt about a dozen times.  He didn’t check my pulse or tongue like I had read on the internet.

When I could hear him opening the package of needles I shut my eyes and focused on my breathing, I was aiming for 5 counts. 


Dr. Han stuck the first needle right where I said the pain originates, then tapped it a few times.

*Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!*

Now, I may be a baby with Tom or my Mom but I am a very good patient and I keep my mouth shut!  (When I was 12 my dentist thought I’d be able to withstand getting a filling without novocaine; we tried, I couldn’t – but that was probably the only time I told a doctor they were hurting me.)  So I laid there as he stuck needle after needle in all the areas he had rubbed the cool, soft cotton dipped in alcohol just moments before.

“I thought acupuncture didn’t hurt!!” I thought to myself as I breathed only 3 count breaths as any more air inside of me made the needles dig in deeper.  He put the first needle in my foot – HOLY SHIT!!!!  Pain?  Ugh!  As he put the remaining two needles in my foot I had to say something,

“Um, that one in my foot, it really hurts, is that okay?”
“That is a good sign honey.”

He set the timer, shut the light and he was gone.  I thought this was a perfect time to practice being present.  I had no idea how long that timer was set for, I couldn’t’ move and I was in a lot of pain at almost every needle point.

Breath in – One, two, three, fo – ouch.
Out – One, two, three, four…
Listen to the sounds, fill your body with a warm light, breath out the dark, negative pain…

The timer ticked away as I tried not to name sounds, tried not to think of anything, just fill my mind with space (I’m sure my big brother would have something smart to say along the lines of my head having nothing but space in it haha) -{see, there I go again with my mind wondering!}

I wonder when that timer is going to go off.  I bet it scares me and I jump when it does.  Try to focus on the timer, you could probably anticipate when it is about to ding.  I really don’t want to be scared with all these needles in me.  What the heck, my foot hurts like hell!?!


Dr. Han promptly returned and I envisioned the pain being taken away with the needles, no such luck.  He plucked each needle out and I was saddened with the amount of pain I was still feeling at each insertion site.  I gingerly got dressed and lurched up to reception.  “He would like to see you Wednesday and Friday.”  After some back and forth with our schedules I asked if it were possible for me to come Thursday as Wednesday wasn’t good.  “Oh no, he won’t want you to miss.  You must come.”  Hearing my dad say this for 10 years, I already expected that so I didn’t argue, I made an early appointment for Wednesday morning.

As we were walking out Tom asked, “How you feeling?”

“I don’t know.  Weird, like… I don’t know, like I’m on drugs, my body feels … weird.”

We rode the elevator and walked out to the car while I tried to figure out what I was feeling.  Euphoric?  No.  Lethargic?  A little.  Numb? Maybe.   As I went to get into the Jeep, my leg wouldn’t raise up like my brain wanted it to.  Now this was weird!  I tried again to no avail.  “I can’t get in!  My leg won’t go!  WTF?!?”  I laughed but it was really odd to feel my brain telling my body to move and there be no response.  Freaky.  Finally I was able to get myself up and in but very awkwardly.  I remained in this stupor the whole way home, I asked Tom to stop at CVS for me but when we got there I asked him if I could stay in the car.  It was so bizarre!

I went back to Dr Han that Wednesday and felt much better, less pain and less weirdness afterwards, although I did still sit in my car for a good 10 minutes before I felt comfortable enough to drive and even then was wishing I didn’t have to.  Friday’s appointment fell somewhere between the two, a little pain but less than the first time and still a lot of weirdness afterwards.  I guess it would take me about 3-4 hours to get back to normal after those first few visits.

That was April, fast forward 4 months and the pain in my foot was totally gone but I was still skeptical about my shoulder.  It didn’t hurt me anymore but I still experienced  considerable numbness.  And I was spending so much money!  Upwards of $2000 at that point.  At the end of August I told Dr. Han I had to stop coming.  “No, you cannot, you are not healed yet.  Dr. Han heal you.  You don’t stop yet, so close, you don’t stop.”  Ugh, “so close”?  What does that mean?  How close?  I didn’t feel close.  Matter of fact, since I started with a new yoga studio I was feeling my shoulder more than ever lately.  Is it even working??  What if I quit too soon and waste all this money?  But how long am I willing to go?  I decided to continue my treatments.  At the end of September I told him I couldn’t come anymore, “this time I really mean it, I am broke!”  Dr, Han studied my chart and said “Acupuncture take time.  You not cured.  I cure you, you never come back. ”  After asking for some more clarification he said, “a couple more weeks”.  About 5 minutes after he had left the room, he came back and turned the light on, “October 12th, your last day.  You come ’til October 12 you no come after that, you be done then.”  Well, how could I quit now?  I continued to see Dr Han until October 12th when he gave me a big hug and sent me on my way.

$3280 later and my shoulder is, as far as I can tell, healed.  I do still experience some sort of sensation that I can’t quite say is numbness, it’s certainly not pain.  I have no pain.  I also have absolutely no pain in my toe.  Although that was a secondary complaint when I first went to Dr. Han, it had been worrying me for years as it was getting worse and making it imposable for me to bend my toe in either direction without severe pain – I couldn’t so much as even touch the top of my toe without aggravating the pain.  It bears repeating, that pain is completely gone.

The rundown of my experiences with acupuncture treatment
and my personal conclusions:

[list type=”arrow”]

  • Feeling as though chiropractic wasn’t going to help me and with the success my Dad had with acupuncture, I committed to acupuncture despite the cost.
  • I received way more treatments than I ever thought.  Although relief was quick to come, complete relief of symptoms took the entire length of treatment.
  • Even after treatments were stopped, I think I continued to heal.  I felt even better after another week.
  • I recommend acupuncture to anyone suffering from chronic pain.
    A true practitioner, my doctor held the 1st RI state license for Acupuncture – he says he brought acupuncture to the States and vowed to work until insurance companies agreed to cover treatments.  I know he was traditionally trained and not just an American trained by other Americans; I feel better being treated by a person who grew up in a holistic environment and is committed to non-invasive healing practices, and unfortunately, many Americans are not.
  • I consider myself healed.
    If in the future my pain returns or I have new pain, I will seek acupuncture.
    (Or rolfing just to ease my curiosity of the practice and to tell you all about it!)[/list]


[button color=”#eeeddc” background=”#315e62″ size=”large” src=””%5DComing Soon: Part 2: Heal Your Mind[/button]


Recipe: Kale Soup

This is another favorite!

I like to eat mine with 365 Organic Buttered Rounds
(like Ritz, but without the GMOs)
but it’s also good with warm crusty bread!

Recipe: Kale Soup

  • 2 tbsp Olive Oil
  • 3 medium white waxy Potatoes, peeled and diced
  • 2 medium Onions, chopped
  • 4 to 6 cloves Garlic, chopped
  • 2 Bay Leaves, fresh or dried
  • 1 pound Kale, coarsely chopped
  • Salt & Pepper
  • 1 (15-ounce) can Garbanzos (chick peas), drained and rinsed
  • 1 can diced Tomatoes
  • 1 pound diced Chorizo, casing removed
  • 1 quart Chicken Broth
  • Crackers or crusty bread (optional)
  1. Heat Oil in a deep pot over medium-high heat.
  2. Add Potatoes and Onions, cover and cook 5 minutes, stirring occasionally.
  3. Add Garlic, Bay Leaves, and Kale to the pot. Cover and wilt greens for 2 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Add Beans, Tomatoes, Chorizo, and Broth to the pot and bring soup to a full boil.
  4. Reduce heat back to medium and cook 5 to 10 minutes longer or until potatoes are tender.
  5. Serve soup with crackers or bread


I’ve wanted to write about ego for a while now for once I  identified
and understood ego I experienced such a peacefulness within myself;
all of a sudden ‘awakening’ made sense
(I admit to not quite grasping the concept at first).
Questions I didn’t even know I had were answered –  I guess that means I wondered ‘why’ but without a specific question in mind.
All of a sudden my feelings and thoughts were explained and I couldn’t deny my own ego, but I could recognize it and in doing so, I could weaken it.

[quote align=”right” color=”#999999″]Ego – The self especially as contrasted with another self or the world.[/quote]
Merriam-Webster defines Ego as; The self especially as contrasted with another self or the world.  Before I read Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth, I thought ego was a person’s self-worth, a person with a big ego would be boisterous, arrogant, or cocky.  I wasn’t exactly wrong, but the true definition is much more accurate.  Your ego is the part of you that is constantly comparing you to everyone else.  Albert Einstein referred to ego, the illusionary sense of identity, as an optical illusion of consciousness.

The ego loves identity, most easily recognized through content, “my car”, “my life”, “my space”.  This is how we get so caught up in consumerism, when the ego identifies with things we create an attachment to things and thus we want more things, better things.  Then we become possessive over our things, getting angry, anxious, or sad when something happens to our things.  We may become so attached to our things that we experience a great sense of loss when those things are gone, we react as if we experienced a death.  We base who we are on what we have, and even what we don’t have.  “I own [this] therefore I am [important]”, “If only I had [this] I would be [happy]”.  This is the illusion of self identity, but our stuff is not who we are.  Matter of fact, the ego wants to live so badly it will thrive on whatever it has.  If you read up to this point and decided to give away all your possessions thinking you would free yourself of ego, chances are your new thought process, anti-consumerism, would be the ego’s new identity.  It’s identity with things would be replaced with an identity of a more enlightened person, this new thought process would then be identified as the ‘right’ way – the ego loves to be right and will make it so by making others wrong; the self as contrasted with another…”

[quote align=”left” color=”#999999″]What you react to in another, you strengthen in yourself. ~ Eckhart Tolle[/quote] The ego also identifies with thought.  Have you ever thought something and quickly scolded yourself for it?  Sometimes I have thoughts that I don’t even believe.  I think, “I must be a bad person for having such a thought”, for certainly my thoughts are what make me Me, right?
Wrong!  Your thoughts are usually created by the ego in an attempt to make itself right.  You know how they say people criticize others in order to make them selves feel better?  That’s your ego, it is always comparing itself to others and it needs to be better than them, so when it finds inferiority within it will try to turn that around by criticizing the behavior or appearance of the ‘better’ person.

Ever notice how much people complain?  Complaining is soothing to the ego, it serves the same purpose as judging.  When you complain about a person, situation, or practice your ego is saying, “I am better than this”.  As Tolle says, “what you react to in another, you strengthen in yourself”.  In my case, when I started working my last job, there was a woman there who was extremely mean, not just to me but to almost everyone who sought her help!  I had never experienced someone being that mean to me before and it really upset me.  When I spoke about her to my friends and family (constantly!) I could point out each of her faults very easily.  After years of hating her to the core, it occurred to me that those horrible traits could also be found within myself, that the things I hated so much about her were the things I hated so much about myself!  I still think she is an awful meanie but I also recognize her struggles and excuse her behavior for she does not realize her impact nor does she mean any harm; she is defensive of her own shortcomings and her ego covers them up by making others out to be inferior in some way.  I am also thankful she came into my life long enough for me to learn a valuable lesson about the way I act and why.

Becoming conscious and breaking free of the ego is so important to being happy with yourself and your life.  I urge you to read Eckhart Tolle’s, A New Earth as there is so much more to unlocking that consciousness and Tolle explains it in such detail, understanding it is certain to change your life!

Life is so much happier when you are happy, and being happy is as easy as flipping a switch, once you find the switch of course!

A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose (Oprah’s Book Club, Selection 61)

Recipe: Chicken Pot Pie

This is really one of my all-time favorite recipes!

I always make my own cream-of-chicken soup so I included a separate recipe for those of you who want to do that

Recipe: Chicken Pot Pie

  • 1 bag (12 oz) frozen Mixed Vegetables
  • 3 tbsp Flour
  • 1/2 tsp Salt
  • 1/4 tsp Poultry Seasoning
  • 1/4 tsp Pepper
  • 1 1/4 cups Milk
  • 1/2 cup finely chopped Onion
  • 1 can (10 3/4 oz) Cream of Chicken soup
  • 1/4 cup Sour Cream (have also used cream cheese)
  • 4 boneless, skinless Chicken Breasts (1 1/4 lb), cooked, cut into bite-size pieces
  • 1 frozen Pies Crust (top only)
  1. Cook and drain vegetables according to package
  2. Pre-heat oven to 375°
  3. In 2-quart saucepan, mix Flour, Salt, Poultry Seasoning, Pepper and Milk with wire whisk until blended.
  4. Stir in onion.
  5. Cook over medium heat 4-6 mins, stirring constantly, until thickened.
  6. Stir in soup and sour cream.
  7. Add chicken and cooked vegetables; mix well.
  8. Cook, stirring frequently, until thoroughly heated.
  9. Pour into ungreased 2-quart round casserole.
  10. Unroll pie crust; place over hot filling. Seal edge and flute as desired. Cut slits in several places in crust.
  11. Bake 35-40 mins or until crust is golden brown and mixture is bubbly.
  12. Let stand 10 minutes before serving.


Cream of Chicken Soup

  • 2 tbsp butter
  • 2 tbsp flour
  • 1/2 cup milk
  • 1/2 cup chicken broth
  1. Melt butter in saucepan
  2. Sprinkle flour over melted butter
  3. Cook over med heat, stirring constantly for 2-3 minutes
  4. Slowly whisk in milk and broth
  5. Heat thoroughly





Tree Planting: Providence, RI 10/12

On a cold and rainy Saturday we gathered with our neighbors to plant another 77 trees in our area.  Our little team of 3 were responsible for getting about 10 in the ground.  Although we didn’t have any in our am group, I heard they planted a bunch of fruit trees for the community to forage from – this makes me super happy!  I love the idea of planting food producing trees and shrubs for people to pick from for free 😀